Adults Sometimes Need Timeouts

As adults, we sometimes need a break from overwhelming emotions, especially during heated conversations with our partners. Here’s how to handle those moments when emotions run high: 

Step 1: Recognize the signs. Notice when you’re getting overwhelmed—clenched fists, tight muscles, sweaty palms, racing heart, or a louder voice. 

Step 2: Ask for a timeout. Clearly communicate your need for a break. Let your partner know it’s for you to calm down, not for him or her, and not to dismiss the other person’s feelings. Never tell your partner he or she needs a timeout. That would likely escalate the issue. Agree on a signal for timeouts and set a return time. Twenty minutes to an hour is ideal but check in with your partner if you need more time. 

Step 3: Take the break. Use this time to relax—take a walk, listen to calming music, meditate, or reflect on your partner’s good qualities. Avoid drinking alcohol, using drugs, venting inappropriately to friends or family, or intense, combative activities like boxing. Focus on shifting from negative to positive thoughts. 

Step 4: Reconnect. When it’s time to reconvene, start positively. Focus on solutions and remember that how you treat each other during conflicts matters more than the problem itself. 

Taking a timeout can help prevent hurtful actions and maintain trust in your relationship. 

There are moments or situations when you will need a timeout in order to help keep your cool and maintain the safety in your relationship. Your installation’s Family Advocacy Program is here to assist.